Coral Gables Riviera-Times

Friday, October 10, 1947, page 10 (of 12)

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LIST YOUR PROPERTY WITH US

NO COST TO YOU UNLESS WE SELL Frederic F. Lewis REALTOR "HOMES OF DISTINCTION" Phone 4-3139 300 Alhambra Circle

EXPERT KNOWLEDGE

A thrifty man went to a lawyer for advice. After the interview the man ran into an acquaintance and told him about it. "But why spend money on a lawyer?" asked the other. "When you sat in his office, did you see all the law books there? Well, what he told you you could read in those law books." "You're right," admitted the advice seeker, "but that lawyer--he knows what page it's on."

THEY'LL BE SORRY

"Friend Smithers," remarked a neighbor to the old gentleman whose family had relegated him to a dark little room in the attic, "don't you think your children are treating you rather badly?" "Yes, I suppose they are," admitted the old man. He pondered the question a few moments, then suddenly cackled with glee. "But they have children," he added, "and they will avenge me!"

PLACE YOUR ORDER NOW FOR ROSES

MANGUS LANDSCAPE NURSERY Phones 4-4833 -- 4-4898 2703 LeJeune Road, Coral Gables

Test Your I. Q.

1. What is St. Swithin's Day? 2. What is the average depth of the ocean? 3. Why do kings always speak of themselves as we? 4. What was the only British soil occupied by German troops in World War II? 5. What American city is a busy maritime port even though it is not located on an ocean, river, or lake? ANSWERS TO YOUR I. Q. 1. It is an old English holiday celebrated on July 15. There was a superstition that if rain fell on this day it would continue for 40 days. 2. The average depth of the ocean below the sea level is 12,450-feet. 3. This custom dates from the time of the Roman Empire, when there were two emperors, one at Rome and one at Constantinople. Under their joint authority, they issued identical decrees, hence the custom of using the plural we. 4. The Channel Islands off the northwest coast of France. 5. Houston, Texas, which is connected to the Gulf of Mexico by an artificial ship canal 45 miles long.

WEEKLY CROSSWORD PUZZLE

HORIZONTAL 1,4 Pictured actor 10 Walked 14 Artificial language 15 Clothe 16 Matured 17 Bows slightly 19 Therefore 20 That one 21 Verily 22 Foe 24 Throw off 26 "Empire State" (abbr.) 27 Symbol for uranium 28 Before 29 Bird's limbs 32 Seldom 36 Wood sorrel 37 Sorrow 38 Beverage 41 Salutes 44 Toward 45 Lubricate 46 Street (abbr.) 48 Novice 52 Greek letter 56 Carry (colloq.) 58 Upon 59 Exclamation 61 Close to 62 Winged 63 Taken by theft 66 Tree 67 Pieces of cloth 68 Milk curd 69 Algerian ruler VERTICAL 1 Climbing plant 2 Fop 3 Knob 4 Him 5 Abstract being 6 Of 7 Behold! 8 Wading bird 9 Lower 10 One who trades 11 Edge 12 Not shut 13 Contradict 18 Prim 23 Years (abbr.) 25 Age 29 He -- an academy award 30 Frozen water 31 Scold 33 Female sheep 34 Portion 35 Affirmative 39 Speaks 40 Chinese sauce 41 Proceed 42 Equip 43 Ardor 46 He was a stage -- 47 Gold weight 49 Blooming 50 On top of 51 Kind of balsam 53 Reward 54 Man 55 He was in the -- 57 Child's game 60 She 64 Giant king of Bashan 65 New Testament (abbr.) Answer to Previous Puzzle MICHIGAN AS ARMORED APE NIL MOT RIPE MICHIGAN ESSEN EARLS SITS SPREE NE SHIED POST ERIE BEET SPIN ELDER ET CALM RAIL RENO AGE AERIE KILTS ME ACTOR PINE EA PSALTER LANSING STRESS SERGETTE

SLAP-STICKS

WHERE ROOTS BELONG A certain exceedingly wealthy and extremely ancient Chicago dowager, whose ambition seems to be to live forever, annually entertains a huge army of expectant heirs at a big party. They keep hoping that this party will be the last, and that their next meeting will be for the reading of the will, but Mrs. Moneybags keeps rolling along. At her latest party, which occurred recently, the old lady looked down upon the gathering from her improvised dais and, with considerable relish, remarked, "What a wonderful sight it is to see such a number of branches flourishing from the same root!" Whereupon one poor relation remarked in whisper, "The branches would flourish a darn sight better if only the root were under ground!" PERSUASIVE Visitor -- How did your horse happen to win the race? Jockey--Well, I just kept whispering in his ear, "Roses are red, violets are blue--horses that lose are made into glue." SELF DEFENSE Johnnie--Please, teacher, what did I learn today? Teacher -- Why, Johnnie, what a peculiar question. Johnnie--Well, that's what they will ask me when I get home. EARLY GAME A shop foreman found certain off-duty chores accumulating till his daylight afterwork hours were not enough to complete them. So he posted a bulletin one morning asking his employees to start work at six o'clock for a few days, to accommodate him. "You play ball with me and I'll play ball with you," he added. One of the sleepy-eyed workmen read the sign, pondered a minute,then wrote below. "O.K., I guess. But six a.m. is no time to play ball." ALWAYS REACHING Moe: "What does the average woman want from life?" asks a reader. Joe: "Just a little more than the average man has got." KITTY, KITTY! Then there was the pompous looking woman who was holding forth at a club meeting and telling of the dream she had had the night before. "It was terrible," she explained. "I dreamed that all the animals that furnish furs for my coat were standing right there at the foot of my bed." One of her listeners turned to another woman and said, "How silly of her to let a few alley cats frighten her." WHY COMPLAIN Pat and Mike were having dinner together. Pat helped himself to the larger fish and Mike said: Mike--Fine manners, ye have, Pat. If I reached out first, I'd take the smaller piece. Pat--Well, ye've got it, haven't ye?" CRACK SHOT Travelling Man--Does your wife miss you much? Another Travelling Man -- No. She throws remarkably straight for a woman. EASY, IF POSSIBLE Supply Sergeant--Here, this machine will do half your work for you. Recruit--Thanks--may I have two of them? BORN THAT WAY African Hunter--While wandering around a native village I spotted a leopard. Sweet Girl--Don't be silly. They grow that way. PRIVATE DRAMA Annoyed movie-goer (to man in next row)--Excuse me, but we can't hear a word. Man--And is it any business of yours what I'm telling my wife? CLEANING UP Woman--My daughter is taking a course in domestic science. Friend--How is she making out? Woman--All right, I infer. She writes that she just made the scrub team. WHIZZING BY Alex -- On your recent tour through the West, did you enjoy the scenery? Bill--We missed the best part of it. Our new car travels so fast that we had to give most of our attention to gas stations and police courts. THE UNIFORM Wife -- I think married men should wear something to show they're married. Husband -- I do -- this shiny suit. TEN DOLLAR WORDS Attendant (in filling station)--Boss, your doctor's in here with a flat tire. Boss--Swell! Diagnose the trouble, as puncture wounds, resulting in prolapsus of the perimeter. Prescribe plastic surgery followed by the administration of violent flatulents, and charge him accordingly. That's what he's been doing to me! PREPARATION Patron--Why do you have only horror, detective and mystery stories in your shop? Barber--I find it much easier to cut hair when it is standing on end. TEACHER SLIPS UP A certain well-known statesman, who operates a farm as a hobby, being queried recently about underpaid teachers, admitted that he had never encountered but one teacher who might conceivably have been paid as much or more than she was worth. One day this statesman went to a certain farm, he said, to purchase a bushel of buckwheat for sowing. The farmer was absent and his wife waited on the caller. She took a peck measure, filled it and emptied it twice in the statesman's bag, and then proceeded to tie up the purchase. "Pardon me," the visitor said, "but don't you know it takes four pecks to make a bushel?" "Does it?" rejoined the woman. "I never had any experience in measuring grain before I was married. I always taught school." DOING HIS BIT A certain conservation speaker, waxing wroth at the wasteful squandering of the nation's natural resources, belligerently challenged his listeners with: "I'll venture to say that not a man here ever lifted his finger to conserve timber." "I have," piped up a little fellow in the front row. "What have you done, my friend?" rejoined the slightly mollified speaker. "Well," explained the little man, "I have used the same toothpick twice." ON HAND A relative had come visiting and during family conversation asked Henry, the eldest son, his age. "Thirteen," replied Henry, boastingly. "No," interrupted the father, "you're only 12." After a hot debate the father could no longer control his temper and said angrily, "Don't talk, boy, I remember the occasion; I was in the house the day you were born." "So was I," replied Henry, smiling. QUITE SIMILAR Visiting American--The unions here in England are very much like ours at home. Englishman -- Yes, the resem-blance is striking. HE'S THE MAN Employer--For this job we want a responsible man. Applicant--I'm the guy wou're looking for. Everywhere I've worked, when something went wrong they told me I was responsible

TILLERS

TIME FOR MORE MEDICINE, PAW! BRR! IT'S SUCH AWFUL TASTING STUFF! NOW DON'T COMPLAIN... JUST TAKE IT! I DON'T SEE WHY I HAD TO GET SICK TODAY, WITH SO MUCH WORK TO DO! YOU MUST LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THINGS, PAW... IN A WAY IT'S NICE YOU ARE SICK! HUH ? I'VE BEEN WANTING TO CLEAN OUT THE MEDICINE CHEST ALL SUMMER, AND THIS GIVES ME A CHANCE TO DO IT WITHOUT WASTING THE MEDICINE!

PEGGY

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL-- SMACK! YOUR EYES ARE MAGNETIC ? SMACK! YOU SMACK! ARE SMACK! WONDERFUL! NO DOUBT THERE'S A VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION OF ALL THIS-- WHAT IS IT? JEEPS, FOR, WE'RE JUST PRACTICING A SCHOOL PLAY! SURE, PEG'S THE HEROINE AND I, NATURALLY, AM THE HERO GREAT DAY! 51 KISSES ON ONE PAGE! WHAT KIND OF A PLAY IS THIS? HMMM! "LORD LYNDHURST'S LONELY LOVE"-- NEVER HEARD OF IT-- WHO WROTE IT? I DID! Chuck Kartak

MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher

MUTT, I'LL DO SOMETHING AND YOU SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS WHAT I'M DOING! NOW--- WHAT AM I DOING? NOTHING! YES I AM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GOING UPSTAIRS! -- BUT YOU'RE NOT MOVING! I KNOW-- I'M ON AN ELEVATOR! By Bud Fisher

REG'LAR FELLERS By Gene Byrnes

WOULD YOU MIND MY ASKING YOU A QUESTION? SHOOT! YOU'VE BEEN CARRYIN' THAT PARCEL AROUND ALL DAY--WHAT'S TH' POINT? SMOLY HOKE! GOSH, JIM, THANKS FOR REMINDIN' ME. I WUZ S'POSED T'TAKE THIS TO TH' POST OFFICE THIS MORNIN' TO MAIL AN' I FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT! By Gene Byrnes

LITTLE REGGIE By Margarita

GOSH THERE MUST BE AN EASIER WAY.... WHAT'S COOKING MOM... SPAGHETTI? YES DEAR.... HELP YOURSELF !! By Margarita

JITTER By Arthur Pointer

YOU CAN COME IN NOW, BUT DON'T LET DAD CATCH YOU-I THINK HE'S MAD AT YOU FOR BREAKING THAT STORE WINDOW! QUICK-HIDE! HERE HE COMES! I'LL SOUND HIM OUT TO SEE HOW HE FEELS! YOU AREN'T STILL SORE AT JITTER ABOUT THAT WINDOW ARE YOU, DAD? WITH A LEG OF CHICKEN AND SOME MILK WAITING FOR ME IN THE ICE BOX, I COULDN'T BE ANGRY WITH ANYONE! By Arthur Pointer

SILENT SAM By Jeff Hayes

TODAY THE TEAPOT MURDER A GORY GRUESOME MADMAN MURDERS MAID YOU ASKED FOR IT COPPER! BANG! THUMP! By Jeff Hayes

VIRGIL By Len Kleis

MISSED HIM! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET THAT DARN MOUSE EVER SINCE HE WAS A LITTLE BABY A YEAR AGO. GEE! THAT MAKES TODAY HIS BIRTHDAY- ? By Len Kleis

Jenny and Benny by Art Winburg

HUH! THAT'S A SIMPLE BALANCING TRICK. I CAN DO THAT WITH MY EYES SHUT. YEAH? WELL, I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO- -THIS ONE! OH! STORE STORE EGG BEATER! HOW AWFUL! HOW CRUEL! --POOR LITTLE EGGS! EGG BEATERS FOR SALE HARDWARE STORE ART WINBURG

OCCUPATIONAL HANGOVER By Paulson

"Don't pay any attention to Louie, he worked for the Department of Internal Revenue for years!" By Paulson

BACK HOME AGAIN By Ed Dodd

BEIN' TODAY'S SATURDAY, SON, I'M GONNA LET YOU TAKE THE DAY OFF...BEFORE YOU DO RUN, PLOW TH' GARDEN AN' CUT YORE MA ENOUGH WOOD FOR NEXT WEEK AN' HELP HER CHURN AN' THEN YOU'RE FREE! OUR FARM! By Ed Dodd

INKLINGS By Jarvis

HATS "I don't like the feather!" By Jarvis