Coral Gables Riviera-Times

Wise Cracks

WISE CRACKS LAND OF OPPORTUNITY She was one of the British brides, and as the liner docked, she spotted her husband on the wharf, almost hidden by the beautiful flowers he was holding. She rushed down the gangplank, threw her arms around him and sobbed: "Darling, you shouldn't have bought so many flowers for me." "That's enough of that, Katie," crisply admonished Herman. "Get busy and help me sell them."

NOT INTERESTED

"I must apologize for my dancing. I'm a little stiff from bowling." "My dear man, I don't care where you're from."

STRICTLY MAN-MADE

Two women seated on a bus were holding a conversation when a woman wearing a peculiar looking fur coat got aboard. The coat was spotted in a mouse gray and a dirty white. Said one of the women, "I wonder what kind of fur is in that coat?" "I wouldn't know," replied her companion. "But I'm sure God never made an animal like it."

SUMMER IN COOL COMFORT SPECIAL SEASON RATES

Air Conditioned Cocktail Lounge SWIMMING POOL ON PREMISES - COFFEE SHOP BEACH & CABANA COLONY the Hotel EMBASSY 30th and Collins Ph. 58-2673

TENNIS INSTRUCTION

BY George A. Gaudet (Former U. S. Naval Academy Tennis Coach) RACKETS RESTRUNG AND REPAIRED. TENNIS SUPPLIES. FOR INFORMATION VISIT THE COURTS At Granada and S. Greenway or Phone 4-9322

LEAVING THE GABLES FOR THE SUMMER?

Let Us Protect Your Home From Insects And Mildew While You Are Away. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" FOR DETAILED INFORMATION AND REFERENCES PHONE 4-2079 MILLER EXTERMINATING COMPANY 2329 Ponce de Leon Blvd. Frank P. Miller, Mgr. Civil Engineer

Test Your I. Q.

1. Is drug addiction on the decline? 2. Can a shaving mug be patented? 3. What was Hitler's last import from England, before he launched his war? 4. What nation is the largest producer of opium? 5. What is the species of lower life that lives in shells? ANSWERS 1. Apparently, for draft officials rejected only one man in 10,000 for drug addiction in World War II, whereas in World War I one in 1,500 was rejected for this reason. 2. Yes. First patent was granted in 1860, and up to 1940 sixty types of shaving mugs had been patented. 3. Rats and mice, from a "mousery" in Essex, for poison gas experiments. 4. Turkey was in 1946, producing enough for the entire world's medicinal needs. 5. Mollusks.

CONSTANT CONDITION

A nurse in a mental hospital noticed a patient with his ear close to the wall, listening intently. The patient held up a finger as a warning to be quiet. Then beckoned the nurse over and said, "Listen here." The nurse listened for some time and then said, "I can't hear anything." "No," said the patient, "and it's been like that all day."

REVENGE AT LAST

The scientist had perfected a process to bring inanimate objects to life. He decided to try it out on the statue of a Minute Man of '76 in a nearby park. It worked and after some minutes of creaking, the Minute Man stepped down from his pedestal. As he hit the ground, he cocked his long rifle and turned to the scientist. "One side, Bud. I'm going to shoot about two million pigeons."

WHERE'S TONTO?

Woman Customer (in bank) - I would like to make a loan. Bank Official - You'll have to see the loan arranger. Woman - Who? Bank Official - The loan arranger. The loan arranger. Woman - Oh, you mean the one who says, Hi-Ho Silver?

SURE OF IDENTITY

A timid looking little man was being kidded by a group of merry-makers at the club. "What are you - a man or a mouse?" asked the noisy fellow. "A man, of course. My wife is afraid of a mouse."

NO HAT NEEDED

A crowd of admiring friends had gathered around the owner of a horse who had come in first at Santa Anita, Belmont and Jamaica race tracks. "Will you race him in the derby?" asked one. "No," was the reply. "He'll run bareheaded like the rest of them."

MIAMI BEACH Only HOTEL ALL ROOMS ON THE WATERFRONT OPEN ALL YEAR

SUMMER RATES Now In Effect FREE PARKING SPACE Ocean-cooled comfort for summer vacationists. Private Beach, Cabanas, Cocktail Lounge, entertainment. Outdoor and indoor dining. PHONE 5-0801 the SURFSIDE HOTEL ON THE OCEAN at 25th ST.

TILLERS

I STILL THINK YOU SHOULD GET A REPAIRMAN TO FIX IT, PAW! NONSENSE! I'LL DO IT MYSELF! WE'RE GETTING TO BE A GENERATION OF SOFTIES... WE SHOULD LIVE LIKE GRANDPA DID! HE DIDN'T DEPEND ON OTHERS... HE DID THINGS HIMSELF! THERE-IT'S ALL FINISHED! I'LL JUST PLUG IT IN AND... MERCY SAKES, PAW! WHAT HAPPENED? JUST BE CALM, MAW--SOMETHING WENT WRONG! WELL, ANYWAY, WE'RE LIVING LIKE GRANDPA DID! MMPH!

PEGGY

LET'S SNEAK OUT ONTO THE TERRACE MISTER WINTERS? WOULD IT BE PROPER ? OH, DON'T BE SO BOSTONISH! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU THAT I CAN'T SHOW HERE A RING MAYBE THERE, I GUESS THIS IS DARK ENOUGH SPOT--NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES TILL I SAY "LOOK" LOOK!

MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher

WAIT, MUTT, WE CAN'T DISTURB THAT YOUNG ROMANTIC COUPLE! WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? WE GOTTA WALK THROUGH! DON'T BE SO RUDE! YOU'LL EMBARRASS THE YOUNG MAN! SH-H, HE'S GOING TO PROPOSE-- WE CAN'T STAND HERE! NO, WE MUSTN'T LISTEN--JUST WHISTLE TO WARN HIM! WHY SHOULD I? NOBODY WHISTLED TO WARN ME! YOU--NOBODY GAVE ME THE STORM WARNING!

NANCY By Ernie Bushmiller

NANCY--- GO RIGHT BACK UP AND COME DOWN LIKE A LADY

LITTLE REGGIE By Margarita

REGGIE COME DOWNSTAIRS AND SAY GOODNIGHT TO THE COMPANY! AW THEY MIGHT KISS ME! NO THEY WON'T--COME DOWN IMMEDIATELY! BOY, I'M GONNA MAKE SURE THEY WONT! ALRIGHT.. BUT HURRY!!

REG'LAR FELLERS By Gene Byrnes

WHAT KIND OF A MUTT IS THAT, AN' WHO OWNS IT? IT'S A FRENCH POODLE AN' MY AUNT MINNIE OWNS IT! IT CERTAINY LOOKS LIKE A DUMB PUP IN THAT GETUP! THAT'S ONE MAN'S OPINION, BUTCH-- --JUST LEMME SHOW YA HOW THIS DOG'S ACKS WHEN WE HAVE A HEAVY RAIN! AHEM!

JITTER By Arthur Pointer

ACME PLATE GLASS CO. ACME PLATE GLASS CO.

VIRGIL By Len Kleis

I'M COMING MY BROTHER'S GONNA TAKE HIS PHYSICAL. I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND WATCH AW, THEY WON'T TAKE HIM --HE'S TOO LITTLE AND THIN YOU NEVER CAN TELL GOSH, IF THEY TAKE HIM IN TH' ARMY-I'M GONNA SELL MY WAR STAMPS

SILENT SAM By Jeff Hayes

ALL DONE BY MIRRORS

A mountaineer found a mirror. "Well, if it ain't my old pappy. I never knewed he had a picture took," he said. He took the mirror home and sneaked it up into the attic to hide it, but this action did not escape his suspicions wife. She slipped up to the attic and found the mirror. "Hum-mm," she exclaimed, looking into it. "So that's the old hag he's been chasing."

FINANCE YOUR LANDSCAPING

THRU THE 5% FHA PLAN AT MANGUS LANDSCAPE NURSERY Phones 4-4833 - 4-4898 2703 Lejeune Road, Coral Gables

DANGEROUS DESIRE

A group of married men were discussing automobile accidents recently, and counseling one another on the various safety measures to observe while driving, when someone introduced the query: "What tendency do you find hardest to overcome while driving your car?" Answers to this important question were vouchsafed by every man present save moussy little Hector Jones. "Give us the lowdown, Hector," someone demanded. "What's your most troublesome tendency while driving?" Hector blushed and hung his head. "Well, if you must know," he stammered; "it's the desire to talk back to my wife."

FILLED A NEED

Sometimes the most amazing philosophy can come out of a bar-room. Last week I overheard two pleasantly glowing gentlemen quietly reviewing their respective marital problems. The oldest one was approaching the saturation point. Gulping down his shot of rye, then clanging the empty glass on the mahogany, he growled: "Well, George, ol' fellow, look at it this way - if m'wife didn't drive me t'drink, what th' heck good would she be?"

WEEKLY CROSSWORD PUZZLE

HORIZONTAL 1, 7 Depicted famous sculptor 12 Leases 13 Transported 15 Parent 17 Dutch city 18 Walks 19 Palm lily 20 Rope with a running noose 22 Transportation fee 24 Whirlwind 25 He married --- when he was 76 years old 29 Easy-paced horse 31 Sailor 32 African bird 33 Within 34 Silkworm 35 Enzyme 36 Hour (abbr.) 37 Staying power 39 Skill 40 Cooking vessel 41 Symbol for tellurium 42 Matgrass 44 Court (abbr.) 45 Beret 46 Express gratitude 49 Chinese unit of weight 51 Symbol for iridium 52 Her 53 Him 54 Tin (symbol) 55 Make sleek 57 "The ---" is his best known work of sculpture VERTICAL 2 Home of Abraham 3 Fowl (pl.) 4 Unfasten 5 Female saint (abbr.) 6 Tasto solo (abbr.) 7 Gangplank 8 Native metal 9 Doctors (abbr.) 10 Two (Roman) 11 Seine 13 Hawksbill turtle 14 Twist 15 Place (abbr.) 16 Rough lava 18 Dance step 21 Sward 22 In place of 23 Age 25 Shower 26 Eastern (abbr.) 27 Orkney Island measure 28 Reverberate 29 Firearms 30 Poker stake 31 In three ways (comb. form) 34 Print measure 38 Caper 39 Limb 40 Parent-Teachers' Association (abbr.) 43 Swiss river 44 Face part 46 At that time 47 New Hampshire (abbr.) 48 Knight of the Elephant (abbr.) 50 Writing fluid 52 Sacrum Romanum Imperium (abbr.) 55 Symbol for phenyl 56 Compass point Answer to Previous Puzzle JOHANNSTRAUSS USESETAITEM SNAHWERARIA PIERWESTHILL IONSTNEO CREATEJOUANNRINSE ALESS ASTERSTOLSALI TARTESEELEE OLIORPANE SRECONVERSES OVERONEONTO WALTZCOMPOSER

HOME-TOWN ECHOES By C. Kessler

HELLO, IS THIS AKRON? THIS IS THE BUSINESS MANAGER OF THE CLEVELAND PRESS. I WANNA TALK TO MISS NINA KAPP. HELLO, HELLO, IS THIS YOU NINA? I BETCHA CAN'T GUESS WHO THIS IS-- WILLIAM G. CHANDLER, PRESIDENT OF THE AMERICAN PUBLISHERS' ASSOCIATION, AFTER FINISHING HIGH SCHOOL IN AKRON, OHIO, STARTED TO WORK FOR THE CLEVELAND PRESS.

Ticklers By George

"Don't get excited-it's got a silencer."

QUICK RESPONSE

Sign in an apartment (first floor) window: PIANO FOR SALE. Sign in next door apartment (first floor) window: HURRAH!

NO PIGGY BANK

Judge - Mr. District Attorney, why do you bring this defendant before me when he says his only crime is that he robbed his kid brother's bank? District Attorney - Your Honor, he forgot to explain that his kid brother was cashier of the First National Bank.

FINAL WORD

Mrs. Blank - Is everything shut up for the night, dear? Mr. Blank - That depends on you, dear; everything else is.