Coral Gables Riviera-Times

Friday, August 1, 1947, page 10 (of 12)

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RIVIERA-TIMES

PAGE TEN RIVIERA-TIMES FRIDAY, AUGUST 1, 1947

PLEADING GUILTY

The justice of the peace in a small Southern town had to hear and judge cases that were brought before him, and he also performed occasional marriage ceremonies. This made it difficult for him to dissociate the various functions of his office. During the course of a wedding service one day, he asked the bride: "Do you take this man to be your husband?" The bride nodded emphatically. "And you," said the justice, turning to the bridegroom, "what have you to say in your own defense?"

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON?

"Pop, why do you always sign my report card with an 'X'?" "I don't want your teacher to think anyone who could read and write would have a son as dumb as you."

APPRECIATIVE LISTENER

"Just listen to that man talking to himself," commented the wife to her husband. An elderly man, walking in front of them, was talking to himself in a very serious and admonishing tone. Apparently he overheard the remark for he slowed down and lifting his hat, bowed deeply and with a twinkling light in his eyes said: "Pardon me, madam, but it is necessary to talk to someone sensible sometimes."

VERY SAD STORY

The young girl came home from the movies, and her mother asked: "Was it a very nice story, darling?" The youngster said: "A lovely story, mother. But I don't think you'd like it, the ending is so sad." "How is that?" asked the mother. "Well," said the youngster, "you see, she dies, and the poor fellow has to go back to his wife."

CLEVER DOG

Moe-With whom was your wife quarreling last night? Joe-She was scolding the dog. Moe-Poor beast. I heard her threaten to take the front door key away from him.

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TENNIS INSTRUCTION

BY George A. Gaudet (Former U. S. Naval Academy Tennis Coach) RACKETS RESTRUNG AND REPAIRED TENNIS SUPPLIES. FOR INFORMATION VISIT THE COURTS (At Granada and S. Greenway) OR Phone 4-9322

Test Your I. Q.

1. What is the most heavily endowed university in the United States? 2. What are the three space arts? 3. In the song, "Comin' Through the Rye," what does the rye refer to? 4. What is the largest fishing port in this country? 5. Who was the only bachelor president of the United States? ANSWERS 1. Harvard University has the largest endowment-$156,079,410. Yale University is next with $123,112,370. 2. The three space arts are architecture, painting, and sculpture. 3. It refers to the crossing of the River Rye. It was the custom to exact a toll of kisses from girls who were met fording the stream on the stepping stones. 4. Boston, which handles over half of all the fish consumed in the United States. 5. James Buchanan was the only president who never married.

CLINICAL APPRAISAL

There was the amateur painter who called in a doctor friend to look at the painting he had just finished. It showed a man who was apparently in great agony. After the doctor had looked at his masterpiece a few minutes, the painter asked: "Well, what do you think of it?" "It looks like pneumonia to me," the doctor replied.

STUBBORN, EH?

The jury had been locked up for hours. One of the jurors had refused to agree to the view of the remainder. At 11 o'clock at night the court was instructed to provide refreshment. "Shall I order 12 dinners?" he said to the foreman. "Make it 11 dinners and a bale of hay," replied the weary foreman.

OBSERVER

At a USO hospital party, a patient noticed that one of the feminine entertainers was only nibbling at the refreshments. "What's the matter, honey?" he asked her. "Why don't you eat this wonderful cake?" "I have to watch my figure," the singer explained. The patient smiled. "You eat the cake," he ordered. "I'll watch your figure."

A GOOD START

Proud Father - What do you think of my son as a pugilist?" Trainer-Well he can shake hands the best of any fighter I ever saw.

POOR APPETITE

A cannibal took his baby to a witch doctor. "Doc," he said, "I don't know what's the matter with him. He won't eat anybody."

LOT OF HAT

"My dear, what a lovely chateau you're wearing." "Thank you, dear, but the word is 'chapeau.'" "Darling, when a hat's that size it's a chateau."

UNNECESSARY

"Care to buy a nice letter opener, sir?" "Don't need one, Mac, I'm married."

VOICE FROM THE REAR

"Ruth," moaned her long-suffering husband, "you promised you wouldn't buy a new dress. What made you do it?" "Dear," replied the modern Eve, "the devil tempted me." "Why didn't you say, 'Get thee behind me, Satan'?" the poor man inquired. "I did," the little woman replied sweetly, "and then he whispered over my shoulder, 'My dear, it fits you just beautifully in the back.'"

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SHOCKING NEWS

The village dead-beat, returning to town after a long absence, was gratified to find a new shop had sprung up on the main street during his travels, and that it bore the inviting sign: "Come in and have it charged!" Hoping that the new merchant's ignorance of his bad credit reputation might enable him to get something without paying for it, the prodigal hastened into the new establishment and eagerly inquired, "What do you charge here?" "Nothing but batteries," was the obliging reply.

POOR OLD POP

Father - Be careful with that money, Son. Remember a fool and his money are soon parted. Son-I know, Dad, but I want to thank you for parting with it just the same.

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WEEKLY CROSSWORD PUZZLE

HORIZONTAL 1 Pictured fowl 6 New 11 Transgression 12 Bustle 13 North Caucasian language 14 Not in 16 Leave out 18 Rub out 20 Wither 21 Greek letter 22 Birds' homes 23 Verily 24 Exists 26 Pair (abbr.) 27 Musical instrument 29 Drive forward 34 Avenue (abbr.) 35 Before 36 Discourage 39 Empty 41 Toward 42 Driving command 45 Negative 46 Narrative poem 49 Husks of wheat (pl.) 51 Verbal 55 Curve 56 Soil 57 Knot 58 Foot digit 59 Male 60 Paddle a boat 62 Spread 63 Arrival 64 Naval officer VERTICAL 1 Measure of duration 2 One 3 Kathode (abbr.) 4 Paradise 5 Long ago 6 Be obliged 7 Poems 8 The gods 9 Ramble 10 Naked 11 Weep 15 Five plus feathered 17 It has a big 19 Like 20 It lives on a — 25 Therefore 26 3.1416 27 Ill-bred fellow 28 Night before 29 Allow 31 Vegetable 32 Sea eagle 33 Sheltered side 37 Engrave 38 International language 39 Within 40 Midday 42 Bestow 43 Organ of hearing 44 Entrance 46 We'— it on festive occasions 47 Canoe 48 Cooled 49 Plant seed 50 Footwear 52 Roster 53 Arabian gulf 54 Directed 59 Myself 61 War office (abbr.) Answer to Previous Puzzle: ANNA BOETTIGER PLEA STEEP EROS SPEND ORAM TRIBE IS ALE LEAN ET TAU KNEE SPRIG ANNA EGRESS ASSET OCTIC GRAINS IDE SITE HA REL PUN ET ARRAS ERA EDIF SCAR STILE ENID ASCERTAINMENT

PEGGY

GEE, THAT WAS A SWELL BALL GAME, MR. TILLER! I'LL SAY! TOO BAD MAW DOESN'T ENJOY 'EM! I FEEL SORTA GUILTY HAVING A GOOD TIME WHILE SHE'S SITTING AT HOME! WHY DON'T YOU BUY HER A DOZEN ROSES? GOSHSAKES, NO! I COULDN'T BE SO CRUEL! YOU MEAN THEY'D GIVE HER ROSE FEVER? NO! THEY'D KEEP HER AWAKE ALL NIGHT WONDERING WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO! IF YOU MARRY ME THERE'S NOTHING IN THE WORLD YOU CAN'T HAVE! THIS IS SILLY! WE'RE TOO YOUNG TO TALK OF MARRIAGE! YOUNG, HA! SINCE WHEN IS THERE AN AGE LIMIT ON LOVE? REALLY, RAYMOND, I KNOW THIS WILL HURT, BUT I'M JUST NOT INTERESTED--- PERHAPS I COULD BE A SIS--- MY PROPOSAL AIN'T SO CONVINCING, HUH? FRANKLY, IT'S TERRIBLE! THEN I'D BETTER PRACTICE SOME MORE --- SOMEDAY I'LL MEET THE ONE GIRL AND I WON'T HAVE TIME FOR ANY REHEARSALS THEN!

MUTT AND JEFF

By Bud Fisher FOOT BOTHERIN' YOU AGAIN, MUTT? YEH! THINK I BETTER HAVE A DOCTOR LOOK AT IT! SAY! I KNOW WHERE THERE'S A SURGEON WHO MIGHT HELP YOU! HOW MUCH FURTHER? ONLY A FEW MORE BLOCKS! FOLLOW ME! WELL--- I'LL SEE YA LATER, MUTT! YEH, THANKS, JEFF! DOC, I'D LIKE YOU TO LOOK AT MY FOOT! I'M SORRY--- I'M A TREE SURGEON-- I DON'T BOTHER WITH LIMBS LIKE YOURS! DOCT SPRA BRANCH OFF

NANCY

By Ernie Bushmiller IF YOU'LL DELIVER MY PAPER ROUTE TODAY --- I'LL GIVE YOU A DIME SURE--- WHERE IS TH' ROUTE? IT'S RIGHT ACROSS THE PARK ON ELM ST. OKAY--DIS IS AN EASY WAY TO MAKE A DIME ELM ST !

HOME-TOWN ECHOES

By C. Kessler NOW 51 PERSONS SPELL THE WORD DESUETUDE ! SPELLING BEE -- THE ORIGINAL QUIZ PROGRAM

LITTLE REGGIE

By Margarita MOM--TODAY IS RUMPUS'S BIRTHDAY--- AND YOU SAID I COULD TOSS A PARTY! SURELY--THERE'S A NICE BIG CAKE READY, SO INVITE ALL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS!

REG'LAR FELLERS

By Gene Byrnes IT CERTAIN'Y IS SWELL TO DO NOTHIN' ON A HOT DAY BUT LIE HERE AN'LOOK UP AT TH' SKY! I'D BE A LOT MORE COMFORTABLE IF THERE WASN'T SO MANY ANTS! THERE MUST BE A BILLION OF 'EM! OH, THEY WON'T BOTHER YA! THEY'RE TOO BUSY WORKIN' AN' LOOKIN' FOR WORK TO PAY ANY ATTENTION TO US! JUS' TH' SAME, I THINK WE BETTER PLAY SAFE AN' KEEP 'EM AWAY! NO HELP WANTED

JITTER

By Arthur Pointer YOU KNOW, IF YOU WERE TO SWEEP UP THE DIRT ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR, I MIGHT GIVE YOU A COOKIE WELL, HERE'S THE COOKIE --- DID YOU GET IT CLEAN? IF YOU'RE SMART, YOU'LL LOOK UNDER THE RUG!

Ticklers

By George "Isn't that just like a man-talking of love when I'm so tired I can hardly lift this paddle."

VIRGIL

By Len Kleis PUBLIC LIBRARY I WANT TO GIVE MYSELF UP-- RETURN OVER-DUE BOOKS HERE

SILENT SAM

By Jeff Hayes HHH HH HHH COMING DOWN DAY 89¢ COMING DOWN DAY 89¢ HH HHH 89¢

NOT ROOT OF ALL EVIL

"Would you marry a man for his money?" asked one chorine of her girl friend the other day. "Not exactly," replied the girl friend. "But I'd want my husband to have a lovely disposition, and if he didn't have money he'd very likely be worried and ill-natured."

TRIMMED THE LOSS

The man who always looked at the bright side of things had the misfortune to suffer from burglars who raided his store. "But it could have been worse," he said philosophically. "You see, I didn't lose as much as I might have, for I had just finished marking down things for the month-end sale."

WAIT ITS TURN

"Yo' sho does look worried." "Boy, I'se tocked up solid on worrying. I'se got so many worries on man mind thet when a new happens to me today, Ah won't get time to worry about it foh two weeks."

MORE EDUCATION

"I can't learn to love you." "But I've saved $10,000." "Give me one more lesson."