Coral Gables Riviera-Times

Friday, August 8, 1947, page 10 (of 12)

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RIVIERA-TIMES

PAGE TEN RIVIERA-TIMES FRIDAY, AUGUST 8, 1947

SUPERIOR INTELLECT

One of Sam's mules took it into his head to stop dead on the main street of the town, and it was twenty minutes before Sam could persuade the animal to move a single step. And then the other mule balked! Sam pleaded, threatened, cursed, but to no avail. The critter wouldn't budge an inch. If the mules made Sam mad, the steadily growing crowd of spectators that gathered about his wagon, offering comments, suggestions and jibes, reduced him to the state of a raving, gesticulating maniac. Pushing his way ahead of the recalcitrant mules, Sam turned, leveled an accusing finger at them, and shouted, "I'll conquer you, I'll conquer you!" Sensing some doubt on the part of the spectators, Sam added, "Don't think I can do it, eh? Well, I can, 'cause I've got more sense than both of you mules put together!"

UCH!

He-I always kiss the stamps on your letter because I know your lips have touched them. She-Oh, dear, and to think I dampen them on Fido's nose!

WAITING FOR THE KICKOFF

Sonny boy, 4, came trotting into the house with an old, battered feed pail and shouted: "Here, grandma, kick this bucket!" "Why should I do that?" asked granny, puzzled. "Because," said Sonny boy, "daddy told mamma we'll all have lots of money as soon as you kick the bucket!"

REALLY SERIOUS

"Doctor," said the patient, rushing into his physician's office, "you've just got to do something about this insomnia of mine. It's driving me crazy." "Now, now," soothed the medic, "surely it can't be as bad as all that." "It can't, eh? Why, I can' sleep even when it's time to get up!"

A TIP-OFF

A Hollywood hostess, giving instructions to her new maid just before a party, cautioned: "Now please try to remember, Marie, when you serve the guests, don't wear any jewelry." Maid-I haven't anything valuable, Madame, but thanks for the warning just the same.

MIAMI BEACH HOTEL WITH ALL ROOMS ON THE WATERFRONT

OPEN ALL YEAR SUMMER RATES Now In Effect FREE PARKING SPACE Ocean-cooled comfort for summer vacationists. Private Beach, Cabanas, Cocktail Lounge, entertainment. Outdoor and indoor dining. PHONE 5-0801 THE SURFSIDE HOTEL ON THE OCEAN AT 25th ST.

Get Rid of LEAKY WALLS Armor Coat

Armor Coat is the positive water-proofing finish for your home and basement. 1. Easy to apply-economical 2. Gives lasting beauty 3. No peeling or flaking-prevents moisture damage. Use Armor Coat on concrete, brick, stucco, cinder and cement blocks and all porous masonry construction-inside and out! INSIST ON ARMOR COAT DISTRIBUTED BY HOLLOSTONE CO. of MIAMI BOX 715 OPA-LOCKA Phone 78-2197

Test Your I. Q.

1. How many steps does the average housewife take daily? 2. What is a croft? 3. What is pibroch music? 4. From what does cinnamon come? 5. Where do we get the term "Four Hundred," referring to elite society? ANSWERS- 1. Around 20,000, says the National Foot Health Council. 2. A small tenant farm in Scotland. The farmer is called a crofter. 3. Martial or mournful music played by Scottish Highlanders on bagpipes. It is usually ornamented with a series of variations, giving it a wild sound. 4. Powdered bark of the cassia tree, found mostly in South China, Java, and Sumatra. When the trees are five or six years old the bark is cut, peeled, allowed to ferment for a day, then scraped and dried and exported in big bundles. 5. From the fact that Mrs. William Astor's ballroom at Newport, R. I., would accommodate only 400 people.

HE GOT TRIMMED

At a swank New York restaurant a man casually sat down at a table and tied his napkin under his chin. The manager told the waiter to let the man know, without hurting his feelings, that such things weren't done there. Approaching his customer, the waiter smiled pleasantly, then inquired, "What will you have, sir? Shave or haircut?"

GET IN A DITCH

Policeman (at scene of collision) -You saw this young lady driving toward you. Why didn't you give her the road? Motorist-I was going to, officer, as soon as I could discover which half she wanted.

THEIR BIG DATE

A Kansas cyclone hit a farm house just before dawn one morning. It lifted the roof off, picked up the bed on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set it down gently in the back 40. The wife was crying softly. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said, "We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she responded between sobs. "I'm just happy 'cause this is the first time in 14 years that we've been out together.

MUST BE THAT

First Hunter-Hey, Bill! Second Hunter-Yeah? First Hunter-You all right? Second Hunter-Yeah. First Hunter (relieved)-That's good. I guess I just killed a deer.

NO ADVICE WANTED

Smith's legal expenses had been running high, so when he met his lawyer on the street, he said: "Nice day, isn't it? Remember, I'm not asking you. I'm telling you."

EXECUTIVE TYPE

Jeremiah agreed to cut the grass for two dollars, but when Mrs. Stephenson returned home from a shopping tour she found him lolling under a shade tree while another man was painfully pushing the lawnmower over the grass. "Shame on you, Jeremiah," the lady admonished. "Hiring someone else to do your work for you. How much did you agree to pay him?" "Two dollars and fifty cents, ma'am," was the lackadaisical reply. "Why, Jeremiah," exclaimed the startled Mrs. Stephenson, "that's 50 cents more than I agreed o pay you!" "Ah know dat, Mis Stephenson," was the calm rejoinder. "But it am wuth 50 cents to be boss all afternoon."

LIST YOUR PROPERTY WITH US

NO COST TO YOU UNLESS WE SELL Frederic F. Lewis REALTOR "HOMES OF DISTINCTION" Phone 4-3139 300 Alhambra Circle

WILLING TO WAIT

"How dare you swear before my wife," demanded the indignant husband. "I am very sorry," replied the intoxicated man, "I was unaware that your wife wanted to swear first."

NIGHT GOLF

Wife-Well, what excuse have you for coming in this time of night? Hubby-Well, my dear, I was playing golf with some friends and ... Wife-What? At 2 a.m.? Hubby-Sure; we were using night clubs.

FINANCE YOUR LANDSCAPING

THRU THE 5% FHA PLAN AT MANGUS LANDSCAPE NURSERY Phones 4-4833 - 4-4898 2703 LeJeune Road, Coral Gables

PEGGY

SAY, HUNK, I TOLD JABBER TO CANDLE EGGS THIS MORNING! WILL YOU GO SEE HOW HE'S MAKING OUT? OKAY, MR. TILLER! MR. TILLER! COME QUICK! HUH? LOOK! LOOK'IT THAT MOON! DOESN'T IT DO SOMETHING TO YOU? MMMM! SMACK! F-F-FIT! F-T-F-WHAT KIND OF A REACTION IS THAT? SPUT! DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE FOOOF! NEVER BEEN KISSED BEFORE! NOT WHEN I WAS BLOWING BUBBLE GUM!

MUTT AND JEFF

By Bud Fisher MUTT, WILL YOU RIDE WITH ME IN MY CAR? I WANNA TRY OUT A NEW BRAKE! SURE! JEFF, YOU'RE GOIN' MIGHTY FAST DOWN HILL! YEH, I WANNA TRY OUT A NEW BRAKE! WELL, GO AHEAD AND TRY IT! O.K., MUTT. YOU HAVE VERY LONG LEGS- -STICK YOUR FOOT OUT AND LET IT DRAG ALONG THE GUTTER!

NANCY

By Ernie Bushmiller COME ON, SLUGGO---GIVE ME A KISS SMACK OH, THAT WAS SUCH A LITTLE KISS OKAY---HOLD ON A MINUTE PLOP

LITTLE REGGIE

By Margarita MAY I SEE SOME OF YOUR BEST QUALITY ALUMINUM POTS? CERTAINLY! OF COURSE NOT---OUR POTS ARE STURDY, DURABLE, AND EFFICIENT! WILL THIS DENT? HMMM--ALRIGHT I'LL TAKE THIS DELUXE SEAMLESS BOILER! OK RUMPUS-LET'S GO!!

REG'LAR FELLERS

By Gene Byrnes FIVE APPLES GONE AN' ONEY CASH HER' FOR THREE! JIM DUGAN'S HONOR SYSTEM FROOT STORE SERVE YOURSELF AND PAY IN BOX I KNOW WHAT I'LL DO! I'LL CATCH TH' GUY AN' HAVE HIM ARRESTED! I'LL WAIT AS LONG AS-AH! I'VE GOT 'IM! OUCH! MISTER M'FAGIN!

JITTER

By Arthur Pointer JITTER, DID YOU TAKE ANY OF MY CHOCOLATES? LOOK IN HIS SLEEVES, SILLY, LOOK IN HIS SLEEVES. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

VIRGIL

By Len Kleis

Silent Sam

By Jeff Hayes HANDY POTATO PEELER HANDY POTATO PEELER

WEEKLY CROSSWORD PUZZLE

HORIZONTAL 1 Depicted state 5 It is called "The Hawkeye"- 10 The wild is its state flower 14 Stuff 15 Minute skin openings 16 Cain's brother 17 Hearing organ 18 Dative (abbr.) 19 Pen point 21 French plural article 22 Incline 24 Stir 26 Expunge 28 Lustrous 31 Yale 33 Genus of rodents 34 Male child 35 Wapiti 38 Music note 39 Mystic syllable 40 Whirlwind 41 Males 43 Indian army (abbr.) 44 Eye wen 45 Ages 47 Symbol for sodium 48 Architectural pilasters 50 Music instrument 53 Hurrah! 54 Slight taste 57 Simpleton 59 Amount (abbr.) 60 At all times 62 Milk house 64 Alighted 65 Withered 66 Compound ether 67 Greek letter VERTICAL 1 Frozen desserts 2 Verbal 3 Bantu tribesman 4 Part of "be" 5 Health resort 6 Sums 7 Area measure 8 Cuts for insertion into mortises 9 Compass point 10 Sun god 11 Offered up 12 Observes 13 Otherwise 18 Its capital is - 20 Has existed 23 Measure 25 From 27 Royal Navy (abbr.) 29 Cougars 30 Accomplish 31 Shade tree 32 New Guinea port 36 Land parcel 37 Lock opener 42 Under 44 Tarpon 46 On account (abbr.) 47 Negative 48 War god 49 Church part 51 Leave out 52 Girl's name 55 Fish 56 Dance step 57 Mineral rock 58 County in Scotland 61 In the matter (law) 63 That thing 64 Sloth Answer to Previous Puzzle: TURKEY MODERN SIN ADO UNION OMIT ERASE FADE BETA NESTS AMEN IS PR CELLO TURKEY IMPEL AVE DETER INANE TO GEE NO EPIC BRANS ORAL ARCH EARTH NODE TOE MAN ROW TED ADVENT YEOMAN

HOME-TOWN ECHOES By C. Kessler

I HOPE TH' CHILDREN DON'T LOSE THEIR HEAD OVER HIM! AIN'T THAT JOHN FLETCHER'S BOY ALIVE! CORINTH HONEST, IS THAT HIM? DANNY HAMMER! MOTHER, SAYS IT'S ALL RIGHT IF YOU COME BACK AGAIN, ROBERT! IS THAT YOU, SIDU! ROBERT V. FLETCHER, (PRESIDENT OF THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF RAILROADS) WHO IS GOING TO MISSISSIPPI U., SPENT A FEW DAYS IN CORINTH, LAST WEEK. - GRANT COUNTY (KY.) NEWS ITEM

Ticklers By George

"As close as I can figure it, a television set will take us 19 years to pay for."

A COMMON FAILING

Passing by a small negro church recently, a traveler was attracted by the organ-like tones of the parson's voice coming from within. He paused to listen to the morning prayer, and learned a new term to describe sin, which was expressed in the following: "Oh Lord, dis yere little flock ob mine am prone to gossip! Oh Lord, dis yere flock ob mine am prone to bear false witness! Oh, Lord, dis yere flock of mine am prone to steal! Oh Lord, dis yere flock ob mine am prone to do things which ain't fitten to mention in de house ob de Lord! Oh Master, deliver dem from de prone!"

OLD RED EYE

"I hear the sergeant drinks something awful." "Yeah, I tasted it."