Coral Gables Riviera-Times

RIVIERA-TIMES

THURSDAY, JULY 3, 1947

Wise Cracks

IN BETTER COMPANY "Remember, children," father pontificated, "when I was a boy I often went to bed hungry, and seldom had a square meal." "Well, father," rejoined little Richard, the smart boy of the family, "that shows how much better off you are since you have known us." Father closed his big mouth, and finished his dinner without any further comment. MODERN FABLE Officer-Didn't you hear me yell for you to stop? Motorist-No, sir. Officer - Didn't you hear me whistle? Motorist-No, sir. Officer-Didn't you see me signai? Motorist-No, sir. Officer-Well, I guess I better go home. I don't seem to be doing much good around here. ALL WET The young man was not very prepossessing, and he certainly wasn't overly intelligent. He had no business ability, no mechanical bent, nor any flair for the artistic. He couldn't play golf or tennis or football or even croquet. None of these facts were self-evident, the others he explained to the young woman to whom he had just proposed marriage. Suddenly his eyes lighted up. "But, dear," he exulted, "I can do one thing-I can swim." "Really?" rejoined the young lady. "Well, I wouldn't want a husband I had to keep in an aquarium, would I?"

Test Your I. Q.

1. What is Mesa Verde? 2. What state has the largest Indian population? 3. What natural product gives off the longest lasting odor? 4. Where did the game of shuffle-board originate? 5. What type of factory in the U.S. had the greatest growth in 1946? ANSWERS 1. It is a national park in southwestern Colorado possessing the best preserved and most notable prehistoric cliff dwellings in the United States. 2. Oklahoma with 63,125, according to the 1940 census. Arizona is second with 55,076. 3. Musk, which is a substance obtained from a gland of the male musk deer. It is used as the basis for many perfumes. 4. In England during the 15th century, when it was called "shove groat" and "slide groat." 5. Those manufacturing household furniture. They increased from 2500 to 6100.

SUMMER IN COOL COMFORT

SPECIAL SEASON RATES Air Conditioned Cocktail Lounge SWIMMING POOL ON PREMISES - COFFEE SHOP BEACH & CABANA COLONY The Hotel EMBASSY 30th and Collins Ph. 58-2573

TENNIS INSTRUCTION BY George A. Gaudet

(Former U. S. Naval Academy Tennis Coach) RACKETS RESTRUNG AND REPAIRED. TENNIS SUPPLIES. FOR INFORMATION VISIT THE COURTS At Granada and S. Greenway or Phone 4-9322

BARNUM GOT STUNG

P. T. Barnum, the great showman, once received a letter from a Vermonter offering him a cherry colored cat for $600. Always on the lookout for a novelty for his show, Barnum sent the $600-after getting the man's solemn word that the creature was cherry colored. A crate arrived. Barnum opened it and a black cat jumped out. Around its neck hung a note which read: "Up in Vermont our cherries are black."

NEEDED COMPANY

A little man came into the office of a psychiatrist. "Come in," beamed the doctor. "What seems to be the trouble?" "I was wondering," the little man offered timidly, "if you couldn't split my personality for me." The doctor looked puzzled. "Split your personality? Why goodness me! What earthly good would you want that done?" Tears tumbled down the little man's face, "Oh, Doctor," he wailed, "I'm so lonesome!"

MAN OF MY DREAMS

A little old lady went to a doctor. She expounded all her ailments, real and imaginary, but seemed most concerned about a recurring dream in which she was diligently pursued by a young man who wanted to flirt with her. The doctor was sympathetic, and advised her how she might sleep more soundly. In a few days she returned, still woeful. "Don't tell me you aren't sleeping better nowadays," said the doctor. "Oh, I'm sleeping fine," the patient replied, "but to tell the truth, I miss that young man!"

LEAVING THE GABLES FOR THE SUMMER? Let Us Protect Your Home From Insects And Mildew While You Are Away.

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" FOR DETAILED INFORMATION AND REFERENCES PHONE 4-2079 MILLER EXTERMINATING COMPANY 2329 Ponce de Leon Blvd. FRANK P. MILLER, Mgr. Civil Engineer

THE TILLERS

PEGGY

MERRY CHRISTMAS ELOISE! HAPPY NEW YEAR, PEGGY! A JOYOUS EASTER TO YOU, ELOISE! SAME TO YOU, PEGGY, AND A LOVELY MEMORIAL DAY I'VE SEEN AND HEARD SOME PECULIAR THINGS SINCE I'VE KNOWN YOU, BUT THIS I DON'T GET! IT'S VERY SIMPLE--ELOISE AND I HAVE JUST MADE UP AFTER NOT SPEAKING SINCE LAST NOVEMBER!

MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher

WHAT? I SENT A POEM I WROTE TO THE NEWSPAPER ON MONDAY-- YES! AND IT DID NOT APPEAR IN THE PAPER ON TUESDAY-- SO I'LL SEND THEM A SPECIAL DELIVERY LETTER ON WEDNESDAY I'LL GIVE IT TO A RIVAL PAPER ON FRIDAY! STATING IF THEY DO NOT PRINT IT ON THURSDAY-- WHAT CHA GONNA DO SATURDAY? NOTHIN'-- I ONLY WORK FIVE DAYS A WEEK!

NANCY By Ernie Bushmiller

AUNT FRITZI IS THROWING OUT THIS PICTURE MAYBE WE CAN SELL IT FOR AN ANTIQUE BUT IT ISN'T OLD ENOUGH TO BE AN ANTIQUE GIVE ME A PENCIL-- I'LL MAKE IT LOOK OLD HOUSE FOR RENT

REG'LAR FELLERS By Gene Byrnes

LOONEY'S LAKE CANOES BOATS FOR HIRE WHERE'S PUD? WELL, IF HE'S AS GOOD AS HE THINKS HE IS, HE'S CANOEIN'! BUT IF HE'S TH' DOPE I THINK HE IS-- HE'S SWIMMIN'!

LITTLE REGGIE By Margarita

REGGIE, WILL YOU FORGET ABOUT BASEBALL AND GO TO BED! ... AND DON'T FORGET TO SAY YOUR PRAYERS! BLESS MY MA... BLESS MY PA... BLESS THE TEAM... RAH! RAH! RAH!

VIRGIL By Len Kleis

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING I'M BALANCING THIS UNTIL TH' POTATOE BREAKS OFF AN' FALLS AND IF IT FALLS AND TIPS OVER YOUR MILK-YOU'LL RUIN YOUR MOTHER'S TABLE CLOTH POSSIBLY-BUT CHANCES ARE I MIGHT BE ABLE TO CATCH IT IN MY MOUTH POP JUST ISN'T A GAMBLER

JITTER By Arthur Pointer

SILENT SAM By Jeff Hayes

QUIET! STORIES LOVE STO. DOG STORIES LOVE

WEEKLY CROSSWORD PUZZLE

HORIZONTAL 1 Depicted is sleeve insigne worn by a U. S. Army 12 East (Fr.) 13 Inquisitive 14 Female hare 16 Street (abbr.) 17 Doctor (abbr.) 18 Tree 19 Steamship (abbr.) 21 Symbol for radon 22 Prolix 24 Appellation 27 Ireland 28 White frost 29 Symbol for tantalum 30 Hawaiian bird 32 Wine vessel 34 Symbol for tin 35 Compass point 36 Electrified particle 37 Measure of area 39 Indian mulberry 40 Droop 41 Symbol for illinium 43 Indian bovine 45 Sicilian volcano 47 Prevarication 50 Speech 52 Music note 53 Senior (abbr.) 54 Age 56 Bone 57 That thing 58 Self 60 One who concedes 63 Onager 64 Diversion VERTICAL 1 Aft 2 Vermont (abbr.) 3 Heights (comb. form) 4 Measure 5 Angers 6 Lubricant 7 Alaskan city 8 Cubic (abbr.) 9 Yaupon 10 Editor (abbr.) 11 Indian poles of symbols 12 Compound ether 15 Has been consumed 17 Prehistoric reptiles 20 Outsiders 23 The gods 25 Commended 26 Exclamation 31 Wise bird 33 Extinct bird 37 Dilue 38 Fail to follow suit in cards 41 Be persistent 42 Endures 44 Bought (abbr.) 46 Symbol for tellurium 48 Press 49 Warmth 50 Counter (prefix) 51 College building (colloq.) 55 Indian 59 It is borne - the sleeve, just below the shoulder 61 Railroad (abbr.) 62 Half-em 63 Any Answer to Previous Puzzle EDITH CAVELL TAROT MOVED RA RAMS ITEMS ABA OT ERN ARC PUMA OCCUR ASIA ST COMPASSES ER TA INT SC ORE EDIT DE HA ELAN BREAD ULE ET CAVELL TARE RO PAS OR ETA NURSE PALER ASSASSINATE

HOME-TOWN ECHOES By C. Kessler

ABBIE, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE ELMER TO THE BARBERSHOP AND GET HIS HAIR CUT RIGHT? WHAT? WITH ALL THOSE HORRID MEN SITTING AROUND THE BARBERSHOP USING BAD LANGUAGE, READING VULGAR MAGAZINES, TALK- ING OF PRIZE FIGHTS, SMOKING AND CHEW- ING TOBACCO!! WHEN THE ONLY BARBERSHOP IN OURTOWN HAD A POOL TABLE TOO.

Ticklers By George

"I always try to listen with a calmly unprejudiced mind- even to a puffed-up old hypocrite like him!"

Surfside HOTEL

Only HOTEL IN MIAMI BEACH THAT HAS ALL ROOMS ON THE WATERFRONT OPEN ALL YEAR SUMMER RATES Now In Effect FREE PARKING SPACE Ocean-cooled comfort for summer vacationists. Private Beach, Cabanas, Cocktail Lounge, entertainment. Outdoor and indoor dining. PHONE 5-0801 Surfside HOTEL ON THE OCEAN AT 25th ST.

BLUNT REJOINER

A man in Atlanta took four friends to visit a farm he owned. The visitors entered the tenant farmer's house and were a little embarrassed when they discovered he had only two chairs. They stood around awkwardly and finally the owner said, "I don't believe you have enough chairs here." The old farmer took a tip of snuff, muttered, "I got plenty of chairs-just too durn much company."

FINANCE YOUR LANDSCAPING THRU THE 5% FHA PLAN AT MANGUS LANDSCAPE NURSERY

Phones 4-4833 - 4-4898 2703 LeJeune Road, Coral Gables

Yankee Salesmanship

A New England merchant seeking a good dray horse found what he wanted at the country fair. After a careful examination of the animal and a discussion of its good points, the merchant inquired, "What's the rock-bottom price you will take for the horse?" "One thousand dollars," said the farmer. "I'll give you one hundred dollars," countered the merchant. The farmer silently considered the offer, then replied, "We-el, It's a heck of a come-down-but I'll take it!" When the deal had been consummated, the merchant demanded, "Why in the world did you ask one thousand dollars for this horse when you were willing to take one hundred?" "Well," said the farmer, "I guess I have sized you up wrong, friend. I though you might want a one thousand dollar horse."

GOOD NEWS OR BAD?

A man who had just finished a phone conversation with his wife turned to his companion saying: "Guess what? My wife just telephoned to tell me that she had found a large roll of bills in the pocket of a suit I have not worn in several months." "Were any of them recipited?" queried the pessimist.

FOOTPRINTS

Spike-What's the matter with you? Are you crazy? Let's open this safe and get out of here. Gyp-Naw, it'll only take a minute longer this way and we'll drive them fingerprint experts nuts.

SHORT AND SNAPPY

Sailor (getting in barber chair) -Cut all three short. Barber-Which three? Sailor-Whiskers, hair and chatter.