Coral Gables Riviera-Times

Friday, August 29, 1947, page 10 (of 12)

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STAFF LINES

HIGH PRESSURE "If you didn't want to marry the widow," asked the lawyer, "why did you propose?" "That's just it," answered the client. "She proposed to me." "Why didn't you turn her down?" "I couldn't. She worded her proposal very cleverly . . . she said: 'Will you marry me? Have you any objection?' Thus, whether I said yes or no, she had me." "Not at all, not at all. You should have preserved a discreet silence." "That's what I did but she fell into my arms, murmuring that silence gave consent." ALL AT ONCE The absent - minded bum was crossing the street when a speeding auto hit him. Ten minutes later, an ambulance arrived. A young interne examined the injured man and shook his head gravely. "Your head is cut open," he stated. "I'm afraid I'll have to take six or seven stitches." "O.K. Doc," said the victim, as he said. "And while you're at it would you mind sewing a button on my vest?" BIG ENOUGH The wife entered a hardware store. She said she wanted to see some ash trays as a present for her husband. The proprietor brought out a number of ash trays, but the lady kept shaking her head. She finally pointed to a huge ash can. "How much is that one?" she inquired. The proprietor was puzzled, "thats no ash tray. That's an ash can." The wife nodded, "That's all right," she explained. "My husband is very near-sighted!" TOO DARK An inmate in a mental institution was troubled by a pain in his tummy. The feline, he told attendants, tore around inside and clawed him something fierce. One day the poor fellow got a real pain-from a bad appendix. An operation was necessary, and the surgeon figured that maybe this was his chance to cure the patient of his delusion. He sent out for a cat-a black one-and when the patient came out of the ether the doctor held up the animal and said, "You're all right now. Look what we got!" The patient took one look, grabbed his tummy and howled: "You got the wrong cat! The one that's been bothering me was a gray one!" YEAH, WHY? "Why do you weep over the sorrows of people in whom you have no interest when you go to the theater?" asked the man. "I don't know," replied the woman; "why do you cheer wildly when a man with whom you are not acquainted slides safely into second base?" A BETTER NAME Little Willie wanted a dog for Christmas, and that is what he received. And what a dog!-a big bumbling Newfoundland, the soul of amiability, but with absolutely no sense of obedience or propriety. Worn out by the non-cooperative nature of his pet, whose obedience to commands had been absolutely nil, Willie greeted his dad at evening with the bitter complaint, "Daddy, I'm just washed out, I can't do a thing with that Confoundland dog!" ROUND AND ROUND Jolyna-Last night Jim tried to put his arm around me three times. Tatiana-Some arm, I say!

LEGAL NOTICE

All interested persons are hereby notified that the Commission of the City of Coral Gables, at a regular meeting to be held Tuesday, September 2, 1947 at 9:00 o'clock P. M., in the Commission Chamber of the City Hall, will consider a proposal to change the names of the following streets: (1) SANTIAGO DRIVE, from Ponce de Leon Boulevard to south-westerly city limits (2) PONCE DE LEON BOULEVARD, south of U.S. Highway No. 1 only (3) ALHAMBRA CIRCLE, south of U. S. Highway No. 1 only. E. B. POORMAN, City Clerk City of Coral Gables, Florida August 22, 29, 1947.

Test Your I. Q.

1. Was scalping-a practice of Indians in early days-fatal? 2. Is Greenland mostly glacier-covered? 3. What is the difference between stalactites and stalagmites? 4. Where do we get the word "sausage"? 5. What is a "red tide" in the ocean? ANSWERS 1. Not necessarily. The part taken was usually a small circular patch just behind the crown. 2. Yes, 705,000 of its 839,782 square miles. 3. Stalactites are calcium formations hanging from roofs of limestone caves. Stalagmites are formed from the floor by drippings from stalactites. These formations are estimated to grow one cubic inch in 100 years. 4. From the Latin "salsus," meaning salted meat. 5. A "red tide" is caused by sudden increases in red-colored one-celled organisms. They are present at all times, but now and then favorable food conditions cause them to multiply until they color the water red.

TAKE IT IN TRADE

It was the first case in the terms of a small court "down in the hills." After hearing the evidence, the judge said sternly: "The fine is five dollars for breaking that glass window." The culprit handed him a ten dollar bill, the judge looked in his cash box, shook his head, and further advised: "I have no change so I'll keep the $10 . . . how about going out and breaking another window?"

ALL IN THE MIND

The landlord, thinking there was too much cover on a roomer's bed, removed a blanket and folded an extra sheet on the foot of the made-up bed. Next morning the roomer told him: "Thanks for the extra cover. I was really cold the night before, but with that extra blanket I was quite comfortable last night."

IN HIGH PLACES

A young, stylish woman was extremely vain of the honors conferred upon two distant male relatives. She talked on the subject to all and sundry. "I have two relatives in the House of Lords. Have you any?" "No," replied one of heft acquaintances, "but I have three maiden aunts in the Kingdom of Heaven."

A NEAT TRICK

Man (at police station)-Could I see the burglar who broke into our house last night? Sergeant-Why do you want to see him? Man-I'd like to ask him how he got in without waking my wife.

A FEW REPAIRS

An antique collector, passing through a small village, stopped to watch an old man chopping wood with a very ancient ax. "That's a mighty old ax you have there," remarked the collector. "Yes," said the villager, "it once belonged to George Washington." "Not really! It certainly stood up well." "Of course," the old man said, "it's had three new handles and two new heads."

An absent-minded passenger was

strap-hanging on a bus. His left arm clasped a half-dozen bundles. He swayed to and fro. Slowly his face took on a look of apprehension. Noting this, young man standing beside him said, "Can I help you, sir?" "Yes," said the man with relief, "hold on to this strap while I get my fare out."

GOOD MONEY

"Here's that suit I bought from you last week," said the angry customer. "You said you would return my money if it was not satisfactory." "That's what I said," replied the merchant politely, "but I am happy to tell you that I found your money entirely satisfactory."

LIST YOUR PROPERTY WITH US

NO COST TO YOU UNLESS WE SELL Frederic F. Lewis REALTOR "HOMES OF DISTINCTION" Phone 4-3139 300 Alhambra Circle

MADE HIM COUGH UP

Walking along the street, a man was attracted by screams coming from a house. He ran to investigate and found a frantic mother whose son had swallowed a nickel. Seizing the boy by the heels, he held him up, gave him a few shakes and the coin dropped out. The grateful mother was lost in admiration. "You certainly knew how to get it out of him," she said. "Are you a doctor?" "No, madam, I am from the Internal Revenue bureau."

MURDEROUS INTENT

Then there was the little moron standing on a street corner with a gun in one hand, a knife in the other hand. A friend passed by and asked what he was doing. "Oh," the little moron replied, "I was deciding whether to shoot up the alley or cut across the street."

FINANCE YOUR LANDSCAPING

THRU THE 5% FHA PLAN AT MANGUS LANDSCAPE NURSERY Phones 4-4833 - 4-4898 2703 LeJeune Road, Coral Gables

WEEKLY CROSSWORD PUZZLE

HORIZONTAL 1 Pictured famous battle site, The- 6 Be seated 9 It is located at San Antonio, 14 Sun personified 15 Girl's name 16 Bestow approval 17 Not closed 18 Public storehouse 20 Egress 21 Postscript (abbr.) 22 Greek letter 24 Free from danger 26 Manuscript (abbr.) 27 Moccasin 28 Irritate 30 Distant 32 Winglike part 35 Arabian 36 Scheme 37 Make an edging 40 Lock opener 41 Elude 45 Algerian native cavalryman 48 Exclamation 50 Cain's brother 51 Domesticated 52 Afternoon hair 54 Ooze 56 Brazilian seaport 58 At sea 60 Drawing room 62 Scottish burial mound 63 Perfume 64 Fright 65 Entomology (abbr.) 66 Ozars VERTICAL 1 On top of 2 Mouth parts 3 Partook of food 4 Craze 6 Caterpiller 7 Yellow bugle plant 8 Light knocks 9 Tub-sized (abbr.) 10 Prince 11 Nineteen (Roman) 12 Mohammedan religious teacher 13 Matching groups 18 And (Fr.) 19 Babylonian deity 23 October (abbr.) 25 Convulsion 27 Babble 29 Incarnation of Vishnu 30 Obese 31 Constellation 33 New Guinea port 34 Some 38 European flounder 39 Cured thigh of hog 42 Bully 43 Low haunt 44 Exalt 46 Begin 47 Inflames 48 Mountain of Larissa, Greece 49 Cure 52 Fruit 53 War god 55 Note in Guido's scale 57 2,000 pounds 59 Station (abbr.) 61 New Mexico (abbr.) 63 Near Answer to Previous Puzzle EMERSON BAUBLES BISBONE ASPEAT BEST TELLS VASE SNAIL DAM RESET YEAR EAR OIL HIS GO FLY SAD ANNE WALDO CO SKY RAD MCCOSH PEN ATLAS MAP ALTER SELL DAGON DARE ENE FIR EEN SIT ADDRESS TEACHES

PEGGY

WHY, PAW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA PICK ME SOME GRAPES TO MAKE JAM...WHERE ARE THEY? WE WON'T HAVE ANY THIS YEAR! YOU MEAN THE BEES STUNG THEM AGAIN? I THOUGHT YOU HAD JABBER BAG THEM THIS YEAR TO KEEP THE INSECTS AWAY! OH, HE BAGGED THEM, ALL RIGHT! BUT... BUT HE PUT A DOZEN MOTH BALLS IN EACH BAG FIRST! THIS IS ME ON THE HIGH BOARD - AND THIS IS DODAD AND THIS IS THE - WAIT A MINUTE! LET'S GO BACK TO THAT DODAD PART AGAIN! JUST AS I THOUGHT - A GIRL! WHO IS SHE? NOBODY IN PARTICULAR - YOU KNOW, JUST SORT OF A GIRL I MET AT CAMP HMM--SHE'S AROUND THIRTY PRETTY--IN A STUPID WAY AW, PEG, A GIRL AT A SUMMER RESORT DOESN'T AMOUNT TO MUCH YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT! YOU WERE ONE YOURSELF!

MUTT AND JEFF

By Bud Fisher IT'S THE LATEST MODEL HANDY DANDY DODAD ONLY $1.98 NO! NO! NO! NO! I CAME AROUND THRU YOUR BACK DOOR--IT WAS OPEN! OH, I JUST CARRY THAT DUMMY FOOT FOR FOOT PROTECTION! NOW I NEED HEAD PROTECTION!

NANCY

By Ernie Bushmiller OH, NANCY---I HAVE TO GET UP OILY TOMORROW MORNIN'--WOULD YOU LEND ME YOUR ALARM CLOCK? SURE THANKS OH, SLUGGO! SOMETIMES THE ALARM STICKS A LITTLE---SO IF IT DOESN'T GO OFF---JUST SHAKE IT A BIT

LITTLE REGGIE

By Margarita RARE BIRDS OF THE TROPICS ENTRANCE I HOPE YOU GET SOMETHING OUT OF THIS REGGIE. IT'S VERY EDUCATIONAL! EXIT

REG'LAR FELLERS

By Gene Byrnes GOT A DATE WITH ZOOBIE? NOPE! GONNA MEET SOMEBODY? NOPE! T'THAT ONE, TOO! WELL--WHAT'S TH' MAIN IDEA? YOU'VE BEEN HERE A COUPLA HOURS! SSSHH! I'M WAITIN', PAL! I'M WAITIN' FOR A EXTER HEAVY TRUCK TOO GO BY AN JOGGLE DOWN THOSE APPLES! FRESH [?APPLES?]

JITTER

By Arthur Pointer

VIRGIL

By Len Kleis GEE-THIS FLOOR LOOKS LIKE IT HAD JUST BEEN SCRUBBED I'D BETTER PUT SOMETHING DOWN SO I WON'T TRACK IT UP THERE! THAT'LL MAKE MAMA VERY HAPPY

SILENT SAM

By Jeff Hayes

BACK HOME AGAIN

By Ed Dodd NOW THAT OL' TOM'S GOT A JOB AFTER ALL THIS TIME, HE LOOKS SOURER THAN EVER. YEH, I GUESS, NOW HE'S MAD BECAUSE HE CAN'T PUT-OFF THE BILL COLLECTORS THE WAY HE'S BEEN A-DOIN' ! 16k OUR TOWN

Jenny and Benny

by Art Winberg !? HELP! I'M STRIPED DOWN ART WINBERG

Ticklers

By George "I was only watching her because she reminded me so much of you."