The Times

21 Common Sense Ideas for Parents

1. Every child needs encouragement. Don't be a perfectionist. Don't expect children to live up to adult standards. If a child presents a crude drawing, it is more right to praise it then to criticize it. If you want to make a suggestion, make it constructive. Such as, "the next picture you draw, do you suppose you could use a little yellow and blue - those are my favorite colors." That's much better than saying, "What's the matter with your other colors? Don't you have anything but a brown crayon?" 2. Avoid punishment and rewards. Again, verbal praise or the properly phrased admonition is much healthier than "buying" good behavior or demanding it under threat of a spanking - or withdrawal of privileges. 3. Use natural and logical consequences. If rules are for the natural protection of the child or the household, explain to the child why he/she must conform. 4. Be firm without dominating. Don't let a child achieve his wants and desires because of a tantrum or excessive pleading. When you have made a decision, don't change it unless you become aware of extenuating circumstances that cause you to reconsider. too. Set an example by respecting the rights of other adults - your neighbors, co-workers, etc. 8. Eliminate criticism and minimize mistakes. Most criticism compounds mistakes. Help the child to learn how to overcome. 9. Maintain routine. Establish traditions. Good habits should be practised daily, not sporadically. Mealtime should be a pleasant experience. Holidays, birthdays and family gatherings should be festive with your own kind of traditions that the child will remember all its life. 10. Avoid overprotection. Trust your child. Most children recognize dangers and are protective of their own self-interests. Give them some freedom to experience judgement. 11. Don't lecture. Simply, don't beat a dead horse. If you say it once and it's understood, saying it twenty more times in slightly different ways will not make the message any clearer. 12. Avoid the first impulse - do the unexpected. For instance, if a child raids the refrigerator and eats too much - instead of hollering at the child or forbidding the privilege (which is difficult to enforce)... tell the child 17. Stay out of fights. Withdraw from conflicts. Sidestep the struggle for power. Mind your own business. Make requests that are reasonable and sparse and avoid ultimatums. Watch your tone of voice and take it easy. 18. Be unimpressed by fears. As Roosevelt said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." Avoid the pitfalls of pity and when there is genuinely nothing to fear - such as the dark, or imaginary spooks, refuse to go along with the nonsense. 19. Listen! It is very important to both listen and to read between the lines. And then, talk with them, not to them. 20. Establish a family council. This is a good place to put all of the above ideas into action and perspective. It will be a good place to put everybody in the family in the same boat and avoid partiality and special treatment. 21. Have fun together. "The family that plays together stays together." Family fun can be as simple as popping popcorn or playing monopoly or going on a picnic... or even washing the car and doing