The Coral Gables Times

singing your song. I hate to spoil your party, but this is a narcosis due to the natural change in the blood's zippity-do in spring. It is a leftover from the time when man was an animal and frolicked freely in green pastures with centaurs and satyrs, in spring. You have outgrown the ability, leaving you with only the dream. You are civilized, middle class, patriotic, faithful, and stuck. It has its compensations. (They keep telling me.) On the other hand, you cannot gambol lightly like the lamb or mate casually like the robin. No, no, no. Finally, there is the adrenal secretion spring stimulates in the middle-class, comfortable-income, slightly portly gent. This chemical reaches his brain on a certain morning in April or May, and it makes him take a solemn oath that his wife is going to have dinner on time for a change, that his children are going to start minding promptly, that his secretary is going to be more efficient, and that he is going to ask for, and get, a raise. Ignore this ignition of the frontal lobes. Pretend it is as if you had too much at a New Year's Eve party. You are not yourself. You are spring-sodden. You are drunk with flowering almond and Japanese cherry blossoms. Your wife is not going to have dinner on time. She is always going to be tied up at the last hour with telephone calls and visitors and gabby neighbors. YOUR CHILDREN are not going to run at your bidding. They have hormones, too. If they did not snap to attention in winter, in spring they will be as defiant as the scarlet flowering crab. Nor will your secretary be more efficient. She will be less efficient. In spring she will be dreaming of giving up her dull, tiresome, unromantic job, tied down to an uninspired boss, and trading it for a dull, tiresome, unromantic job being tied down to an uninspired husband. (She doesn't know that's what she's dreaming. She is as tricked by spring as you are.) And you will not get the raise. The boss is cagey enough to know that a springtime demand for a raise is as fleeting as the life of the first butterfly. He will smile and promise to consider it. He knows by June you will be happy to settle for a choice of vacation in August instead of October, which you had to take last year. No. Beware of spring. Listen not to her honeyed voice. It will all pass, and you will be contented and serene again. Look the other way. Your wife is not so bad. The kids are fun at times. Your secretary does get her work done. You'll get a raise eventually, and you wouldn't know what to do with the bikini wearer if you caught her. Nothing is going to happen no matter what spring says. This is a law of the universe. Spring has always whispered of impossible happenings, just to foul you up. If you can't fight city hall, how can you fight the universe? Just sit it out, watching the birds and thinking. And be careful not to think of anything in particular. It will all pass, and you'll be normal in July.

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