The Times

Thursday, November 3, 1960, page 60 (of 63)

← Earlier issue Later issue → Download this page

The page

You can also pinch or scroll to zoom, and drag to move around.

The text of this pageRead by computer from the scan, so some words may be wrong. The page picture is the original.

ALAN KING CALLING A few words on "Phonetiquette" by the Commuters' Comedian

THE TELEPHONE has been a great source of comfort and frustration ever since Don Ameche invented it. The telephone company also says it is "an instrument for public relations," but I'm afraid they're looking on the bright side. As a matter of fact, the two places where I've found my friends at their worst are in front of a mirror and on the telephone. Just consider some of the strange brands of telephonetiquette you can run into any day out where I live in Rockville Center (and I don't believe it's one bit better in whatever pleasant place you try to sleep). There are the people who let the telephone ring and ring (haven't you sat in their living rooms?) and take their time answering. And what about my time on the other end, as I nervously chew my cigar? And you probably know the impatient type who lets the phone ring twice when he's calling you and then hangs up? Generally you pick up the receiver just as the last faint sound has registered, and more times than not, you may have sprinted the last twenty-five feet to get over to the apparatus, but to no avail. Mark him down as "You never know who." I can go on. There's the caller who uses a loud booming voice, that forces you to keep the earpiece about six inches from the head. And the one who whispers so softly that you feel as if his call was a military secret. And let me register a special beef for anyone I'm calling who acts high-pressured and picks up the instrument for public relations and says "Yes?" in a bored voice. No compliments, either, to those, mostly young, who forget that I can hear while they hold the phone and yell, "Dad, it's that crazy Alan King for you." My own personal manager has a lovely way with him. When he calls, he goes right into the middle of the conversation, and when he's finished he hangs up. No good-bye. Click—and that's the end of you. But give me him any day over the talk-talk-talk-talk-talk school. Then there's the neighbor, God bless him, who wants to complain that your dog kept him awake by barking last night, and he times the call to get you just as you're basking in a hot shower, or sitting down to dinner. My close friend Tony Martin has a genius for this kind of timing, and he is the telephoningest man I ever met. Regardless of where he is—Madrid, Paris, Louisville—he thinks nothing of picking up the phone at any hour of the day or night and calling. He phones his wife three times a day. Funny thing about Tony, he never calls person to person. It's always station to station. So when Martin is on the phone you're never quite sure where the call is being made. He's a great guy for phoning after midnight. After my long association with him, I'm convinced, when the phone rings at 5:00 in the morning, it's Tony. I've been on the receiving end of a good deal in my day, but no one ever gave me as hard a time on the telephone as my own mother. When I was visiting Israel last year, I decided to give her a special thrill and call her, so I put in the call and after a six- or seven-hour delay I finally got through. The conversation went something like this: Alan: "Hello—Mom?" Mother: "Yes, Alan. How are you?" Alan: "I'm fine. Having a grand time." Mother: "Where are you calling from?" Alan: "Tel Aviv, Israel." Mother: (In an exasperated voice) "Oh, Alan—that's expensive!" AND SHE HUNG UP! Another thing the telephone company says is that the telephone is an instrument for making friends, and considering the A,T and T dividends, it seems boorish to argue. But it's not that easy! Good-bye.

The Complete Wood Finish in One Can deft WOOD FINISH

Dries in 30 minutes. Deft seals, finishes. Nothing else to use, no thinning. A finer, clear, semi-gloss finish for paneling, cabinets, furniture and floors. Will not darken with age. Completely trouble-free, Deft-finish it yourself. FREE 6-pt. finishing chart. Write S Deft, Box 2216, Torrance, California

Are drafty windows costing you a 25% HEAT LOSS?

Why suffer another uncomfortable winter—when it's so easy and so inexpensive to use MORTITE, the "fingertip" weatherstrip. MORTITE comes in a convenient roll... goes on in a jiffy... off just as easily. Stops wind, rain, snow. Just press in place—no tacks or tools! Bargain Box for six windows... $1.39. Junior Box for one window only 29¢... at all hardware, department, building supply and variety stores. COMMENDED BY THE CONSUMER SERVICE BUREAU OF PARENTS' MAGAZINE AS ADVERTISED THEREIN. Mortite WEATHERSTRIP. The MORTELL Company, Kankakee, Ill. Makers of famous FOAMFLEX Doorstrip

GOOD BOOKS FROM AMERICA—from People to People

Today Americans are being asked to share their books with young students in friendly foreign countries. You can help by donating a book through the new Books From America program. You will help to combat the assault of anti-American books being distributed by the Communists throughout the world. Wanted most are American literary classics, history books, modern English grammars. Mail to BOOKS FROM AMERICA, BOX 1960, WASHINGTON 13, D. C. The U. S. Information Agency will present your gift to a friend overseas.

Find the strength for your life...

WORSHIP TOGETHER THIS WEEK

Married women are sharing this secret ... the new, easier, surer protection for those most intimate marriage problems

What a blessing to be able to trust in the wonderful germicidal protection Norforms can give you. Norforms have a highly perfected new formula that releases antiseptic and germicidal ingredients with long-lasting action. The exclusive new base melts at body temperature, forming a powerful protective film that guards (but will not harm) the delicate tissues. And Norforms' deodorant protection has been tested in a hospital clinic and found to be more effective than anything it had ever used. Norforms eliminate (rather than cover up) embarrassing odors, yet have no "medicine" or "disinfectant" odor themselves. And what convenience! These small feminine suppositories are so easy and convenient to use. Just insert—no apparatus, mixing or measuring. They're greaseless and they keep in any climate. Now available in new packages of 6, as well as 12 and 24. Also available in Canada. Tested by doctors... trusted by women... proved in hospital clinics. FEMININE SUPPOSITORIES Norforms' A NORWICH PRODUCT. FREE informative Norforms booklet. Just mail this coupon to Dept. ST-011 Norwich Pharmacal Co., Norwich, N.Y. Please send me the new Norforms booklet, in a plain envelope. Name (PLEASE PRINT) Street City Zone State