The Coral Gables Times

Thursday, May 3, 1962, page 47 (of 73)

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A Visit... BY PEARL BUCK author of "The Good Earth," "Imperial Woman," "A Bridge for Passing," etc.

THE INVITATION lies here on my desk this morning. Shall I accept or refuse? It is like contemplating a journey to another country. Why should I leave the comfort of my own house, even for a few days? I may see rooms more beautiful than my own, new pictures, new scenes from strange windows, but will these compensate for the obligations of being a welcome guest? No—and yes! Before any journey, I have this doubt and indecision, and I usually end by saying—yes! The compensation of being a guest is double. First, I am diverted, cheered, inspired by change and by communication with others, and second, when I come home again I return enriched. I bring back with me the inestimable gifts of memory, new sights to remember, new voices ringing in my ears, new thoughts, arguments for and against my own opinions, glimpses into lives other than my own—all riches. I decide to accept the invitation. I get out my traveling bags. I have much more to take than I put into those well-worn bags. I have myself. Not my whole self! Indeed, I shall try to leave here in my own home as much as possible of myself. When I go for a visit to a new place, be it a new country or a friend's house, I do not take my problems with me. The new problems I perceive will give me fresh insight into my own, and my experience may be of some use. My hosts will want something fresh from me, too. They are not, I hope, inviting me merely as a kindness. I want them to enjoy me, else I shall not be able to enjoy them. Therefore, I must be enjoyable. TO BE ENJOYABLE, I must arrive when I am expected, prepared to enjoy. Fortunately, I enjoy by nature. I like to wake up in a room different from my own, I like to see how other people arrange their furniture and plant their gardens. I enjoy being informed, whether eventually I agree or disagree with the information. Certainly I shall not disagree until I have come home again and have had time to reflect. This is not to say I shall approve everything I see and hear, but in my life enjoyment has little or nothing to do with approval. I can enjoy food, temporarily, and diversions, also temporarily, that I know are deadly for me, and luckily I have the constitution for such temporary enjoyments. For example, I like to go to bed early, as a rule, but I love to stay up all night if I am having a good time. I am easily amused by almost anything, temporarily, and can be absorbed, temporarily, in the silliest game. If there are children in the house, all the better, for I have no responsibility for them. If they have tantrums and generally misbehave, it will only be diverting. I go, in short, as a guest, ready to enjoy whatever my hosts provide. I hope they will be themselves, for that is what I enjoy most. The accustomed host and hostess are aware of this naturally and will be themselves. For example, they will not ask me what time I like my breakfast. They will simply remark casually that breakfast is at half past six, so that we can breakfast together before my host has to catch the train to the city, or they will say that everyone breakfasts whenever he likes and on whatever he likes. We may not meet until luncheon, or even dinner. I prefer not to be asked anything, but to be told what the family does. Merely to do as I do in my own home brings me no change or diversion. Why did I come in that case? For the same reason, I do not want to talk about myself. I like to become part of this other family. I am the guest at ease, and at leisure I have time to listen to anything and to everybody. I enjoy living here, temporarily. I have only one obligation as a welcome guest. It is to respect the privacy of this family and to keep to myself all that they reveal to me of their family life. It is an honor to be a guest, in any country, in any house. I will keep silence when I leave, if there are sights and sounds that have made me sad. I will remember only the kindness, the generosity, the sharing. After all, to be invited as a guest is to be given a gift. It is perhaps the supreme gift, for the guest opens not only the door of the house but also of the heart. Every visit must end. A generous host may say, come for a month—or a week—or a day. Whatever he says, it is too long. Not too long for me, perhaps, but too long for friendship. The visit should end before the designated day and hour. The decision should not be announced while the visit is being made, for that might seem to show discontent. It should be indicated upon acceptance. EVERY VISIT is divided, like ancient Gaul, into three parts. The first part is the renewing of acquaintance, the quick exchange; the second part is the deepening of the relationship, the hours of solid talk, relieved by shared amusements; the third is the satisfaction of mutual appreciation and affection. This third part must be cut short. Satisfaction should not be allowed to approach satiation. There is an hour, even a moment, when both host and guest know that the visit is over. Any delay is mere repetition and repetition is destructive. The guest must announce his departure before satiation. He will then have the pleasure of hearing his hosts urge him to stay a little longer. Of course, the guest cannot and must not change his mind. When he says he is going, he must go. It is wise to say farewell when friendship is at its warmest and best. Perhaps this applies even to love. Farewell—farewell, but not forever! The visit then is a success. The guest has had the change and the diversion which can come only when he becomes part of another human group, eating as they eat, playing as they play, sharing their life as they live it. He leaves his host-family in a state of calm content with themselves, with their way of living, with their home. Life is better than they thought it was. They are really delightful people. Their house is charming, their children adorable. "She seemed to enjoy everything, don't you think?" I like to imagine my host and his wife and children exchanging such remarks. I hope they will, for the truth is she will enjoy everything, the guest being me! Suburbia Today, May 1962 21

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