Coral Gables Historical Archive
The Coral Gables Times
Thursday, May 3, 1962, page 68 (of 73)
The page
The text of this pageRead by computer from the scan, so some words may be wrong. The page picture is the original.
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Hello, Little Girl
ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN ALLEN BY JOHN FETTERMAN IT'S A GREAT DAY for all, when a five-year-old learns to pick up the phone. The telephone company is big and rich and efficient and powerful. But in neighborhoods where there are five-year-old girls, the company's promise of a better way of life is promptly reduced to a hollow mockery. In such a neighborhood, the urgent cry of a phone bell at six o'clock on a Saturday morning no longer means Uncle Henry's heart has started flip-flopping again. It simply means the five-year-old across the street has awakened. But you don't realize this as you stumble barefooted to the phone. You grab the clamoring instrument, clear your throat painfully, and speak with apprehension. "Hello." You hear a cheery, squeaky, bubbling: "Hi!" Then you remember. You have some thoughts, but not the kind you can express to a five-year-old. So you mutter grimly: "Good grief, Janie, it's just six o'clock." "That's nice." "What do you want, Janie?" "Can Mindy come out and play?" "Of course not." "Why? Is it her birfday?" "No. It is too early. Where are your mother and father?" "They're asleep." "Why aren't you asleep?" "'Cause I'm up." "Look, Janie. Go back to bed. It's real, real early. Do you understand?" "I already been to bed." This conversation isn't getting you anywhere and you have a growing fear that you are going to spend the weekend standing in the hall in your pajamas trying to reason with a five-year-old. But Janie's mother finally awakens. She takes over. "Hello, John. Isn't this dreadful? I've told Janie a thousand times not to call up anybody unless she asks me first. But she's so proud and excited since she learned to dial. She has Mindy's number all written out on a piece of paper and stuck to the phone. Isn't that awful?" Janie's mother has a note of pride in her voice. She doesn't really think it's "awful." She thinks it's clever. Now you begin to have some thoughts about a five-year-old's mother. But you can't express them either. Five-year-olds not only call you up, they also answer the phon [TEXT LOST] Wherever there is a five-year-old, no other member of the family is ever permitted to answer the phone. Only a five-year-old can intimidate